Bad Art Happens

"Stacks of unfinished artwork -- STUCK"

Over the summer I took an inspirational online painting class with Flora Bowley called Bloom True. I have a juicy post all about my experience for later. But, at some point in the class I became deadlocked. I really didn't know what colors or imagery to commit to, or if it had a big idea. The very insensitive sensor popped into my head... "what the heck are you doing, you're not an artist?" "this isn't art!" "the other people in the class are "actual" artists." " Give up already!!" After listening to this noise for a day, I sat down with my journal to silence my enemy. I immediately fell into a spiraling trance of writing, regurgitating all the crazy, negative thoughts flying around in my head. I wrote page after page until... I wrote in large print "I'm allowed to make BAD ART." I wrote it over and over and over until I really got it.

And what I really learned about myself in that moment is I suffer from that false idea of perfectionism. Never in my life have I ever considered myself as a perfectionist. My house isn't spotless, it appears I live out of my car, and my classroom looks like 700 kids blow through like a tornado every week. (because they do)  I've even gone far enough to say I don't believe in perfection, which I don't. When it comes to art, I feel like not being at the level artistically, I feel I should be, keeps me stuck. It keeps me locked in an artistic vault, because it should look a certain way. But, no more. I am dedicated to creating artwork with wild abandon, with no expectations and no attachments.

"You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have."
                                                                                        - Maya Angelou